September 10, 2012
Learn how to argue-effectively.
Arguments are not necessarily bad-as long as you know how to do it right. Its wrong when arguments make you see each other as enemies: he did this so he’s to blame; she did that so she’s to blame.
You know you’re arguing the right way when you think:
“You know what we are husband and wife, we belong to the same team. Now lets see how we can team needing a different approach to disciplining our kids or (fill in the problem you’re facing here)”
When you argue this way, you realize that no one needs to be right or wrong and that you definitely are not enemies. Instead, you are allies, banding together on the same side, helping each other find a solution to the same problem.
In a marriage, when you try to prove how the other person is wrong, you might end up being right. But the marriage always loses-and so do you. If you learn to let go of your need to “be right,” learn to identify the real issue, and be humble enough to reach out to win: you, your spouse, and most especially, your marriage.
August 2, 2012
Improve the way you communicate with each other.
Three things to remember about communicating with your spouse:
First: even though you were “joined as one,” that doesn’t mean you can now read each other’s minds. You cant. So when you start to think, “If he really loves me, he should know that (fill in unmet expectation here)…” tell yourself to stop, and simply tell him what you need.
Second: you need to accept that men and women are different, and one of the major differences has to do with the way they communicate. Generally, men communicate with facts, while women communicate based on emotions. So if you’re a wife, don’t talk to your husband like you would one of your girlfriends and expect him to react in the same way. Instead, tell him in simple and direct terms what you need, without making him feel guilty (for something he failed to do before) or using a “ you should automatically know this” kind of disapproving tone.
If you’re a husband, remember that your wife is not a man so you need to listen more and “ fix her” less. And even if you think its not in your nature, challenge yourself to make the effort of sincerely complimenting your wife with words whenever you can.
Third: be aware that as husband and wife, you have a tremendous impact on each other, simply by the words you use on one another.
Marriage counselor expert, author of what husband cant resist, summaries it best: “what you call each other. You will become,”
Want a caring responsible husband? Look for moments when he shows even the smallest act of love and responsibility, and tell him right then and there, “ I’m so lucky to have suck a caring, responsible husband,”
Want an affectionate, sexy wife? Catch her during those times she shows affection or looks even the slightest bit sexy, and call her simple and sexy.
July 27, 2012
Be aware of each other expectations and needs.
As relationship expert says: men are from mars, women are from Venus.
For married couples, this awareness is important. They need to remember that they are two different people with totally different expectations from the same marriage. This is why you must keep trying to communicate your thoughts, needs, and expectations, even if it means learning and using your spouses “ language.”
Many of our expectations of what marriage should be like come from the media, our own observations about how out parents were with each other, and how were wired as men and women. “Expert says, for example, what a mans basic need is the approval and trust of his wife, while the woman’s basic assured by her husband.
“The media tends to make the wife expect more involvement from the husband at home, even when he’s already working full time outside,” says expert. “This often happens when there’s a new baby, and the wife ends up spending more time at home doing routine work. Her discontent with her role makes her forget that while she is doing her share for the family, her husband is doing his share as well by working. You have to sit down and talk about how to really help each other. Figure out how you can compromise realistically. After all, you husband needs to be awake at work, too.”
Growing up in a family where our parents fulfilled certain roles also influences our ideas about what happy marriage should be like.
“Vince’s mother did everything for their dad,” says grace Cruz, a working mother of two. She and Vince have been married for 17 years. “My mother in law was always the one who prepared her husbands baon, ironed his clothes, and reminded him to take his vitamins- while holding the glass of water and the opened bottle of pills, of course,” grace shakes her head. “O know that sometimes Vince is disappointed that I’m not my mother in law. Were two different people.”
Having expectations isn’t bad; in fact, they can make you work harder at keeping your marriage exciting and more enjoyable. But having these expectations, not letting your spouse know, and forgetting that he has needs and expectations of his own are sure recipes for arguments and frustation.
August 3, 2010
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